Uhh... matching fanny pack
Whacka whacka whacka...
Where do you live
Can you open carry ?? You've literally eliminated all places to hide a gun... no pockets... nothing covering ankles... no cover shirt or thick enough shirt to wear a undershirt with holster pocket... no purse ?!?!?!?
I think you can:
A) Do you have long hair ?? If so wear it up in a bun and hide it in there somewhere...
B) Become a Mennonite and wear heavy wool clothes and then you could conceal 3 or 4 PPKs...
C) A daytimer type holster to carry around ??
I saw you posted on Glock Talk.. hopefully you'll get some help there, you've defintiely got a tricky situation. I did a search there and couldn't find anyone with similar situations...