Man, I hate bowling...

[Pilotsteve]

Friends, let me warn you by first saying this is a complete rant. A venting if you will and nothing more. Perhaps Searcher will come 'round and boot this thread (or me!) for the sheer rambling. There, disclaimer aside, I freekin' hate bowling...

Last year my Dad called me up and asked if I wanted to join the bowling league he's been on for eons. Now, I don't bowl. I just plain suck. The gutters see more business when I bowl (usually about 10 feet down the lane) than the pins. I warned him, "Dad, I suck, man! I'm not going to help out anyone's team!" He assured me it's all in good spirits and it's just a bunch of old men having a good time. So I thought, "What the heck?" and agreed, figuring it would be a good time spent with the 'ole man once a week. Boys night out.

Well, I'm now about 1/2 way through the second season (I agreed to sign up this year too) and STILL suck donkey donuts at bowling. My average? 111. The handicap? 89. There's a 90-some-odd year old guy with Parkinson's that bowls better than me. I'm on a team with three other guys who regularly score around 180 to 240. Last night my scores were 102, 93, and 113. I have the lowest average and highest handicap in the league. I suck at bowling and HATE bowling!

Then it gets worse. I found out recently why my girl disapproves of me going bowling. It goes beyond the obvious time away from her... apparently her ex-partner was an avid bowler who dragged her to the bowling alley constantly. She'd sit there bored for hours. And what's worse? Apparently the guy crushed the pins, too. He was a really great bowler... and I suck! Damn... I hate bowling!

You know, you'd think that as time goes by and you keep practicing at something, you should get at least a little better at it, right? Not me. My bowling suckery is complete and knows no bounds. Two years at it and my 4-year old nephew who tosses the ball down the lane with two hands kiddie-style is better than me. It's just not something I'm any good at and won't ever be. I try to have fun but it's tough when you suck so badly! And the fun time out with the 'ole man? Not anymore. My poor Dad is starting to "get up there" in years a bit and he's just not the bowler he used to be. His back is shot and his leg gives out on him sometimes (he fell at the bowling alley last season when throwing the ball...) and he's in constant pain. So his bowling naturally suffers and the ride back home is now dominated by, "My bowling is $&*@ now. I can't do it anymore like I used to" or excuses related to the amount of oil on the lane. He's not bowling next year... he's too afraid he'll fall again. And I'm not bowling next year because A) I suck and B) I hate bowling!

I can't wait until the end of the season. I can't wait to take my bowling ball with me and show it how to obey the laws of physics to my command for the first time. Bowling is all about physics, and my ball will experience the laws of physics. When I take it to the range, place it on a post, and command it experience the physics of 385 grains of saboted 12-gauge slug hitting it at 1900 feet per second, I will finally get that ball to behave to my liking. And I will have triumphed over bowling.

And there will be video...

-Pilotsteve

[bigfatdave]

My reaction to the sport of bowling is to sketch a machine to do the job for me. Either that or a more interesting way to knock over bowling pins.

Perhaps both of us should look into joining a local league that does bowling pin shoots?

Bowling, golf, NASCAR, and hand-egg just baffle me ... I suppose I'm a bad 'merican.

[bigfatdave]

Steve, Might I suggest doing a video starting with small rounds and working up to shotgun?

I wonder if a bowling ball wood ricochet or absorb a 22 long rifle round?

[Conman37]

Okay Steve. When you get a spare moment please let me know how you feel about bowling!

[7mary3]

Originally Posted by bigfatdave

Steve, Might I suggest doing a video starting with small rounds and working up to shotgun?

I wonder if a bowling ball wood ricochet or absorb a 22 long rifle round?

Ricochet. Speaking from experience.

[searcher451]

Easy soultion:

1. Take a Walther PPK and load it.
2. Set up a number of bolwing pins, in whatever configuration you like.
3. Take aim and knick the pins down with the PPK.
4. Set up the pins again and start over.

Your "problem" with bowling is now solved.

[DrE]

I like that, Bill.

I'm thinkin' 12-Ga. Mossberg, meself.

Bowling, like golf, has been given up here due to the self-destructive nature of both. You play against yourself... frustration is built-in.

Kinda like target shooting. But without the satisfaction of the report. Much less visceral.

[Pilotsteve]

The only problem is I can't get hold of any bowling pins. Mind you I'd LOVE to blast away at a whole rack of them and shoot their knobby little heads off, but I have a feeling the stupid bowling alley would take offence to my running down the lane on the last night and sprinting out the door with an armload of pins. Alas, the cops would probably get involved...

I actually have two... ahem... spherical objects intended for use in the sport of bowling to dislodge the pins from the end of the lane. One is for the PPK and P38 to feast upon... I want to whittle it away into primordial chips of plastic/rubber/whatever they make the stupid things out of. I want it to feel the physics at play. Plus, this will give me the opportunity to stretch out the moment of passion much like the housecat who finally catches a mouse.

But my main bowling ball... the one I've "used" most... the one given to me by the kindly old man at the bowling alley who, after watching me struggle to a 68 one night took pity and gave to me... that one get's it big time. I'm going to find the heaviest, meanest 3" Magnum 12 gauge slug I can and drive that ball into the stratosphere. Pilotsteve wants big boom. Pilotsteve HATES BOWLING!

-Pilotsteve

[bigfatdave]

Originally Posted by 7mary3

Ricochet. Speaking from experience.

Fascinating, now I wonder about other calibers. Tokarev would be interesting.

Steve, my understanding is that bowling pins do have a lifespan, and that they are available when "dead" ... couldn't hurt to ask nicely.

[Pilotsteve]

Originally Posted by bigfatdave

Fascinating, now I wonder about other calibers. Tokarev would be interesting.

Steve, my understanding is that bowling pins do have a lifespan, and that they are available when "dead" ... couldn't hurt to ask nicely.

Dang it, now you guys have me wondering if this is such a good idea. KIDS: Do Not attempt to fire a weapon at a bowling ball because it's spherical shape is conducive to ricochet! You know better than to shoot at rocks, right?

Myself, I don't care. My hatred of bowling trumps personal safety. The guttural, primal laugh I'll roar when I see whatever happens to that ball when the first magazine of 9mm kurz goes rapid-fire into it will be worth the inherent risk. Plus, as you might imagine I've already looked around certain video hosting sites and have seen what happens to a ball when shot up (with a 9mm anyway.) There is no ricochet. There are flying chips and splinters that will hit the stoned/drunken fool that stands 3 feet away, but there will be no ricochet toward my cold hearted, coolly aimed hand.

-Pilotsteve